Grammar Rules to Ignore When Writing Your Memoir

Should You Follow All the Rules You Learned in School?

If you listen carefully, you can probably still hear your high school English teacher’s voice echoing in your head: Don’t begin a sentence with “and.” Don’t split infinitives. Always use complete sentences.

But memoir is not a term paper. It’s a conversation between your past and present selves. Clarity certainly matters, but strictly adhering to schoolbook grammar can flatten your memoir voice and drain the life from your story.

Let’s look at three “rules” that deserve to be firmly ignored when writing your memoir.

Rule #1: Forget “Always Start at the Very Beginning”

Many first-time memoirists assume they must start with their birth or childhood. But a memoir isn’t an autobiography. It’s a slice of life, not the entire pie.

Your memoir might center on a few defining years, a turning point, or a relationship that changed you. Maybe it starts the day you made a bold choice, faced a loss, or discovered who you really were.

Some stories do require an early beginning, especially if your theme involves foster care, identity, or family history. But most often, the most powerful starting point is in the middle of the action.

So start where the emotional energy takes off. Your reader wants to be pulled straight into the heartbeat of your story, not into a timeline.

Rule #2: Forget “Always Be Grammatically Perfect”

Many memoirists never get past the first paragraph because they’re terrified of breaking a grammar rule.

But we don’t think or speak in perfect grammar. We pause. We fragment. We use run-on sentences. We split infinitives and misuse tenses. Those natural rhythms and errors are what make your voice sound real.

Sentence fragments convey emotion. Slang grounds a story in time and place. A split infinitive can sound smoother and more natural than its “correct” version.

Good grammar still matters, but only as a tool of clarity, not conformity. Write freely first. Let your passion spill onto the page. Later, you or your editor can polish without erasing your voice.

Always remember that writing a memoir is a dance between raw truth and refined craft. And truth always leads.

Rule #3: Forget “Always Put Your Best Foot Forward”

Of all the so-called rules, this one most contradicts the spirit of memoir. Life isn’t always pretty, and pretending it is won’t earn your readers’ trust.

A memoir is a reckoning, not a highlight reel. It’s an act of courage. Readers don’t want perfect; they want true.

That means showing your missteps, your confusion, your humanity. When you write honestly about your struggles—without self-pity or self-glorification—you invite readers to find meaning in their struggles.

Authenticity builds connection. Vulnerability builds authority. So instead of putting your best foot forward, put your truest one forward.

Bonus Rules You Can Loosen

Once you free yourself from these big three, you’ll notice other “rules” that can be gently bent, too:

– “Never repeat words.” Sometimes repetition is rhythm, it’s emphasis.

– “Avoid emotion.” Emotion is the lifeblood of memoir. Just be sure to balance it with reflection.

– “Keep your sentences uniform.” Varied sentence lengths create rhythm and movement.

– “Don’t overuse ‘I.’” You’re the narrator, so you must use “I.”

In memoir, the overarching rule isn’t correctness. It’s connection.

How to Know When a Rule Can Be Broken

There’s a very simple test: read your work aloud.

If it sounds like something a living, breathing human would say, you’re on the right path. If it sounds stiff or artificial, loosen it up.

Your readers aren’t grading your grammar. They’re listening for your heartbeat.

The Real Rule of Memoir: Be True

Every genre has its own code. In journalism, accuracy reigns. In fiction, imagination rules. In memoir, authenticity is everything.

Tell the truth as you experienced it, the raw sights, sounds, contradictions, and feelings. That truth doesn’t have to be grammatically flawless or perfectly linear. It just has to be you.

You can revise for grammar later. But you can’t revise for honesty and courage.

Closing Thought

The best memoirs don’t follow rules. Instead, they follow truth.

So go ahead: start in the middle, drop a comma, end a sentence with a preposition. If your story feels alive, you’re doing it right.

Your readers don’t want perfection. They want you.